Post seventeen..the Playlist.

So I made a playlist of songs I think would fit with Beloved, especially Sethe. Here is the link to the songs if you want to take a listen and below that is the song titles and reasons why I chose them.

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWWUogTXNVTlNscNGUO_o1ygbb7KImIRe


1. Charlie's Soliloquy (Reprise) from Kinky Boots- It's basically a song that is about mistakes, and realizing it, which is something I think Sethe feels about killing her first born. 
2. How Long Must This Go On from Beauty and the Beast- Makes me think for Sethe, how much longer will she have to endure the pain of her past.
3. Castle on a Cloud from Les Misérables- Makes me think of something Sethe would think or sing while she was a slave because it's a song about having to do all this work but imagining and dreaming of another place..a better place.
4. Dawn's Lament from Buffy the Vampire Slayer- Reminds me of something Sethe probably feels, wondering if anybody notices or cares that she has endured so much, and the pain she feels.
5. There's a World from Next to Normal- Another song I imagine relating to Sethe because she imagines a better world, and wants more than anything to get there.
6. Mad House by Rihanna- This is what I imagine the plantation being. A mad house. A terrible place.
7. I Can't Breathe by Ghost- Something I feel a decent amount of characters feel, like Beloved, non-existent, which a ghost sings this song. Sethe probably feels it in the way "I can't help anymore, help me". 
8. Arrival of the Trio/Are You Ready from Love Never Dies- In a way, a song that could be right before Sethe escapes the plantation. Are you ready for this new journey? It could be bad..but could be good. Could be...haunting.
9. I Need to Know from Tarzan- About needing to know your place in the world, something I think Sethe's daughter, Denver feels.
10. I Dreamed a Dance from Next to Normal- A song I would imagine being between Sethe and baby Beloved because the song is about a mother and her dead child, wanting to be together again.
11. Something's Coming from West Side Story- A song I'm sure Sethe felt at one point on the plantation, that with all this awfulness, something good has to be coming and maybe can. A song I'd see right before her escape.
12. One Song Glory from RENT- It's a very sad song, like one to be song when all hope is lost, something I'm sure Sethe has felt.
13. Stand from Smash- A song about basically not giving up, something I think would need to be played for Sethe with her time on the plantation.
14. Permanent from David Cook- A song that would be from Sethe to Beloved.
15. They Live in You from The Lion King- A song in regards to the past staying with you, including Beloved to Sethe.
16. The Dark I Know Well from Spring Awakening- This song is basically about being raped and hard times, something I imagine Sethe would sing.
17. Never Give All the Heart from Smash- A song maybe from Denver, who is trying to find her place, and to not get too attached.
18. Overture/Work Song from Les Misérables- A song I imagine slaves would sing on the plantation.
19. The Hanging Tree by Jennifer Lawrence- I can't really explain it, but I just feel like this song would fit.
20. Not While I'm Around from Sweeney Todd- A song I see Sethe singing to her children because she's so protective.
21. Bad Moon Rising by Mourning Ritual- Something that could be said about Beloved, who brings a lot of bad memories back to life.
22. I Miss You by Miley Cyrus- Something Sethe would sing to Beloved or vice versa.
23. Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift- Something to be said from Sethe to her children, because she wants nothing more for them to be safe and sound.
24. What Now by Rihanna- A song I'd see being played in the background as Sethe would have a breakdown.
25. Beat It by Michael Jackson- A song that would be for any slave on the plantation, basically I see it as a motivational and fight song. Beat it. Don't give in.
26. You'll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins- A song Sethe might sing to her children.
27. Light from Next to Normal-  A song about needing some light, and happiness. Something Sethe and all of them need.

Post sixteen...the Epilogue.

       Yesterday. Yesterday was the day that Malia had turned in her project. The day that she turned in 100+ hours of work. Her determination for the project, was unreal. Her determination to make the world aware and a better place, became even more real. She ended up joining several organizations that teach people the importance of equality, the importance of trauma, and the importance to be yourself. I'm sure you're all wondering what happened with her project though, right? Well, her professor, Dr. McKaid had read over her project. He laughed...he cried..the whole cliché experience. He was very moved by all the research she had done, and the risks she took, and while he was disappointed it affected her health so much, he was moved that she told him everything. While in theory, he thought her project was worth only a B+, with all the hard work she did, and how she really tried throughout the semester even though she had an insane schedule and had to learn to survive on little food, 2-3 hours of sleep a night, and had endured so many bad situations, he gave her an A because he could tell that she really tried. Malia received a phone call, instead of an email saying how incredibly proud and moved he was with her project, which is something she had never heard or had happen to her before. She wasn't used to someone saying they were proud of her, especially in an academic setting. Malia was so inspired through this project, that while she became a famous actress, she also started up her own organization that taught about slavery and the importance of equality through the expression of performance. The project moved her for the better, and moved her into the right direction in life.

Post fifteen...today.

       Today is the day. Today is the day that I turn in my project. Today is the day my professor reads my 27 different journal entries, including the example ones I put in here. It's been a very long process, but I've worked so very hard that I'm hoping it shows to my professor and that I do well in this class. I've watched countless documentaries, read several books, listened to a few different cassette tapes, and used my acting knowledge to try and pick up characteristics and mindsets that Sethe would have. In honor of finishing my project, I leave you with a goodbye journal entry from Sethe.

       Dear journal,
Words cannot express how helpful you've been ta me. While I think writing in here has been good for my soul, admitting to things I've endured and my fears, I feel dat it is the time for me to say goodbye. I do think it is important to show when you are not feelin' as strong as you would like ta, but it's just hard for me to show. Maybe someday I can, and teach my children that even though I've endured some of the hardest times, it doesn't mean dat they have ta. I want a betta life for my children, than the one I lived. I don't want them to ever kill their children, in the thought that it may save them. It does the opposite. It kills their chance at a life and possible happiness. I'll forever regret that day, but I do not regret keepin' my other children alive. I do not regret being with Halle or, really the events leadin' up to today for they made me who I was made to be. Without them, I wouldn't have my children either. Maybe it's good I'mma stop writin', for then maybe I can really dive into this thing we call life..experience it fully, without thinkin' ta document every second of it. You have been real kind and always there for me, and I appreciate dat. Maybe someday, my stories will be read and people will learn from them and make the world a better place. That's all for my story..goodbye now.

Sethe

Post fourteen..I made a statement today.

       I took a huge risk in what I did today at school..I wanted to make a statement and encourage people too look more into slavery and put an end to it once and for all, and to diminsh, and hopefully, completely end racism. What I did was, based off of my research on Beloved and slavery, and to attempt to get into the character, I dressed in attire I read that they would wear. I ate very little. I painted scars on my back to show the pain. I didn't do this to offend anyone, and if I did, I cannot express how sorry I am. I did it to make a statement. Unfortunately, as a white women, people look at me more, so..I used this to my advantage to speak up and teach people more about slavery. When they asked what I was doing, I kindly explained to them what my goal was for it; to raise more awareness that while yes, Lincoln technically abolished slavery, it still exists today and the racism nowadays is so very cleary shown. I wanted to try to show people more of the ugly truth of slavery and to understand why it is extremely important to treat everyone as equals. I was applauded by my professor for my dedication to get into the mind of the character, and said it was a bold move and that he thought people appreciated my attempt to make a statement to hopefully make things better. As a woman of different race, it's important that I fight for people different than me, and not against them. In order to make the world a better place, you have to do something. Ironically enough, later tonight when I was in my room, I hallucinated a visit from Sethe again. She told me not to worry and beat myself up about what I had done, because it meant a lot to her in her eyes that I was trying to fight for her, and not against her. She said she was proud of all the hard work I have put into learning more about her and trying to make the world a better place. She said that she believes in me and that I should believe in me too.

Post thirteen..an imagination of Sethe and..moments.

       When I think of Sethe, I imagine a woman who is not fond of breaking down in front of others, and if she can avoid it, she will. However, we all have our "weaker" moments, and breakdown in front of others. There is nothing wrong with that and I think that that isn't weak at all. I think it shows strength. It's like admitting that everyone has emotion in them, and sometimes it's too much, and I really think crying and breaking down is a part of the healing process. It's essential in my mind. I broke down the other night doing this project, but I saw that as okay, because it shows how much I care about this, and about what the readers and my professor will think.
       I see Sethe as one who quotes "loses it" moreso when she is alone, while the kids are in the other room, or no one is home. I see that if she is caught crying, she denies it or makes an excuse that it's not what it looks like, or that her eyes are dry. I see her breaking down from thinking of flashbacks, as she did say.. "nothing ever dies", and there are loads of flashbacks throughout the story. If I were to write about her having flashback..it would go something like this:

Dear journal,
I'm losing it. The thoughts came pourin' in. It's too much to bear sometimes. Nothing ever dies. Not what I've done...not what's been done ta me. Nothin'. Though, I suppose I should be thinking about the fact that since nothing ever dies, that means the good things don't die either. Little Denver saw me cryin' today, I was kneeling with my face into ma hands, cryin' away...thinkin' bout what I had done to my first baby...thinkin' bout when I was raped...beaten. When she asked,  'Mama, what's wrong?' I told her I was just in pain from the tree on my back..my scars...I told her that their pain is just a symbol of strength, because I can handle that pain. I'm here aren't I? Sometimes it's just too hard though. I think I hear somebody in the other room, I should go. Put on a brave face. Write soon.

Sethe

Post twelve..what Derek told me.

       Well, I completely forgot I had a huge math test today, and I hadn't studied at all because I've been working on this project so much..so I'm pretty sure I failed that test. Maybe I can talk to my professor about any available extra credit opportunity..
       Okay, so..Derek was not as much of a help as I would have thought, and here I am in Starbucks, listening to the song Hallelujah from Shrek trying to decide what my next move for this project will be.. I should probably mention the advice Derek told me. His first words were "stop stressing so much, the professor will be happy for all your hard work anyway. I'm sure he understands how hard this is..but he believes in you, otherwise, would he have really allowed you to carry on with this project?" It honestly made my day. Then he told me, if I could, I should interview someone who was once a slave...or in a similar position. Only problem with that, is I do not know of anyone. Then he said to look up documentaries on slavery, so...I did. I found this incredible documentary:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfusLVvOlRM

It was really eye-opening. I am speechless. It gave me more of a feel, hearing what these people had to say about what slavery was like. I'll never be able to understand completely, but I will get a better look into what it was like.

I think for my next blog post, I'll dicuss what I think Sethe may experience sometimes when she's alone, or when she's not.

Post eleven...thoughts on how I think the past one went..

       As weird as it is, I think the past entry was better than the current entry. I can't really explain as to why though. I mean in theory, I think that I had an equal amount of information for both her past and her present in the story, because Toni Morrison is an incredible writer. There's so much material to work with, but I don't want to just be re-itterating what the story already is. That's not the point of this. My point of this project is to attempt to get into the head of a character, but in writing form. I want to do the character justice, but I cannot promise that. It's a way of attempting to understand somebody who is different than you and I think that that is so important. There are so many people struggling so I think that it is important to do everything that you can to understand someone, whether you've been through their experience or not, you can always give sympathy. Now that my words of wisdom have been released, it's off to bed for me..considering it's, you know, 4:37AM...and I have to be up at 6:00AM for school..Maybe I can ask Derek for advice on how else I can go about this project...I always accept both ideas and criticism.