Dear journal,
I wish I was stronger. I wish I could escape. I feel ashamed about the scars on my back. The fact I couldn'ta fought back. That I was raped. That I'm used for work, and am treated bad. If I ever have kids, I would't want dem to have to go through this. At first, I was thinkin' 'wow, all these men be wanting me.' but then I realized it was just cause they wanted to use me, for sex. Which, when I was taken for it, against me will..dat wasn't sex. Dat was rape. And if dat ever happened to a kid of my own, I'd haveta kill the rapist. They shouldn't be let go. I know other women on the plantation who have been raped, and I know it messes with their head too. And our slave masters, they could easily treat us so much betta..but they don't. They think they're superior. It's just skin color, why does dat matter so much? I know they could get us betta food and clothes, they just don't. I don't want to live the rest of my life here. 'Specially if I have a family. Maybe I'll have a family someday with Halle..don't know. Maybe we can escape together one day. I 'member when we made love in the cornfield...later others ate the corn...the ones we did stuff in. Not sure if they know dat or not. Oh well. I wonda what a life is like, not being a slave? Doing what I want, gettin' a job that I maybe want..endless possibilities. I wonda if somewhere, slaves are treated kindly? Or if they are happy? I'm not real happy. I wish I was though, I miss smiling. Well, I betta get my rest for anotha day. Maybe I'll make it outta here someday..
Sethe
No comments:
Post a Comment